How to Build Trust to empower relations

During my recent training on Management, the course of discussion slightly moved to the subject of Building Trust. Our trainer (my mentor as well) draw our attention to some important aspects of building trust. Since the idea of writing this article was originated during the training so I dedicate this article to my teacher, Georgie Collis, as she sowed the seed in my brain to produce this article.

 

So, before we go in to the details on how to develop trust, let us understand what Trust is.

Trust is the permanent certainty and confident expectation from someone for something. Lack of trust might lead to shattered relations so Trust is the most critical ingredient for strong relationship; the relation which can either be between Husband-Wife, Boss-Employee, Father-Son, Brother-Sister, supplier-customer and so on.

 

Here are some recommended behaviours which you need to demonstrate in order to develop trust:

1-    Being Responsible: ensure you are performing your day-to-day responsibilities and meeting the short-term and long term expectations by your dependants.

2-   Listen: Listen, Listen, Listen. God has given you two ears and one tongue so you listen more and speak less. Effective Listening is a skill; develop this habit. Google it today and learn.

3-   Being Truthful: Be honest and fair. Don't deceive someone. Remember the fact that building trust is tough but it takes seconds to have scratches-in-the-jewel which usually is very hard to recover.

4-   Keeping Promise: your promise is your commitment with someone to do something, so don't break at any cost. In case you couldn't meet your promise, there is always a door for dialogue for re-consideration of things. In case of dialogues be fair, be truthful and be open. Confess the short comings on your end.

5-   Consistent behaviour: the ever changing attitude is an indication of your non-predictive personality which is an anti-trust drive. So be consistent in what you speak and what you do.  

6-   Apologizing behaviour: Sorry is the best medicine in healing relationship complications. In fact, Sorry and Thanks are the two golden words which my Kindergarten going son has refreshed for me. Use them often and you will see massive improvements in your daily life.

What are your suggestions to develop Trust?
Regards
Junaid
 

Need success? Work on your thoughts

There is a famous saying that we are the product of our thoughts. That means we become what we think about so I decided to write this article to understand the importance of thoughts, their contributing factors, thought analysis and purification techniques.

 

During all day we keep thinking about things, events, families, issues, future, money, office and several other stuff. Our thoughts drive us to take some actions and hence we are moving towards our destiny by each and every action. That means our thought is the strongest part of our destiny as it is the root cause of every action. In my opinion, our Thoughts Process primarily consists of following five contributing factors. I will include some of the details of each factor and summarize the Thought Purification tips under each category below:

 

1.     Education: Education broadens the horizon of our minds. More education means that the mind is exposed to more knowledge and possibilities. Education when combined with experience result in more mental growth as compared to a less educated person. Hence the quality of thoughts are directly linked with the education. So to keep our 'thoughts seeds' healthy we must seek for Good knowledge, the knowledge which freshen up our brain cells, which gives us positive energy and boosts up our mental power. So we must keep learning new things throughout our life in order to synergize.    Article written by Junaid Tahir. Feel free to feedback at mjunaidtahir at gmail dot com

2.    Desires: This is sometimes a killing factor. For example, If we let our brain running behind our desires blindly, we will end up with considering short-cuts in our life for achievements. These short cuts basically kill the purity of thoughts and consequently bound us doing social evils such as back-biting, lying, deceiving, stealing, fraud, bribery and other forms of corruption. Hence, we have to have sold control on our desires to control this phenomenon. But this does not mean, we should drop our genuine desires. Remember, Positive desires combined with Positive Thoughts and Actions will result in success.  However Positive Desires combined with Negative Thoughts and Action will result in crimes which I just mentioned above.  Article written by Junaid Tahir. Feel free to feedback at mjunaidtahir at gmail dot com

3.    Brought up: Each one of us has been brought up in a unique way by our parents. Some of us have been grown in very healthy physical and mental family environment. Some have mixed kind of situations both positive and negative in terms of finance, family bonding and social lives. Our mental growth has been based on all the events which have been taking place in our childhood, teenage and even our current day to day life. We can't go back to past to change our brought-up but what we can do is to drop the negative part of our past and tightly hold on to the positive one. It's pretty much straight forward. If we wish to keep the Negative things in mind, that means we are polluting your brain and your 'Thinking System'. So the choice is ours!

4.    Company (family & friends): This is something we can really work on to make our life happy. A mature 'human environment' is an indication of healthy mental growth. We must always try to surround yourself with positive, fun-loving, friendly, optimistic, constructive,  cheerful and bright people so the brain is free from stress consequently brain will automatically start working on positive thoughts.  When with family, we should always endeavour for creating a happy environment by meeting the logical desires of family members, cracking jokes, listening empathically. This helps divert the brain towards positive feelings and hence our upcoming thoughts would be mature, positive and stress-free. Article written by Junaid Tahir. Feel free to feedback at mjunaidtahir at gmail dot com

5.    Circumstances: Good and bad things happen to everyone but we must not throw ourselves totally on our circumstances. It is said that life is 20% what happens to us and 80% how we react to it. So consider every challenge as a new adventure and try to adopt a positive approach for a safe exit. Control your circumstance by surrounding yourself with positive people, behaving good with others, taking corrective and preventive measures for any mishaps. There are situations when we don't have control on the events happened to us. In this case, we don't have much choice but to live with the situation. However we shouldn't let such things steal our peace of mind. So we need to seek help from others and try to find solution. It is advised not to get involved too much for any situation. It is wisely said by someone that if you can't laugh on the same joke again and again so why worrying on the same trouble again and again! Article written by Junaid Tahir. Feel free to feedback at mjunaidtahir at gmail dot com

6.     

 

 

Conclusion: You are the product of your thoughts. Quality of your thoughts determines the level of peace of mind. Good thoughts result in good fruit, bad thoughts bad fruit. So every seed of thought matters. Always remember: Small minds think and discuss about people, average minds think and discuss about events, higher minds think and discuss about ideas and great mind actually execute & innovate in silence.

 

 Junaid
 

 

Relationships Advice: Don't Repeat

Do Not Repeat, Do Not Repeat, Do Not Repeat.
Learn from your mistakes. When something goes wrong and the two of you work through it, do not repeat the same mistake. Rather than dive right back into whatever it was you did or said, think before you act. At first, this will take some discipline but as you see positive results in the relationship, be encouraged that it is working.
 
Junaid
 

Story: Dad & Me

My dad only had one eye. I hated him... He was such an embarrassment. . He cooked for students & teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school where my dad came to Say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could he do this to me? I ignored him, threw him a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEE, your dad only Has one eye!" I wanted to bury myself I also wanted my dad to just disappear.. I confronted him that day and said, " If you're only gonna make me a Laughing stock, why don't you just die?"
My dad did not respond.... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to his feelings. I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with him. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.
Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my father came to visit me. He hadn't seen me in years and he didn't even meet his Grandchildren. When he stood by the door, my children laughed at him, and I yelled at Him for coming over uninvited. I screamed at him, "How dare you come to my house and scare my Children!" GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my father quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have Gotten the wrong address," And he disappeared out of sight.
One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbors said that he died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that he had wanted me to have.
"My dearest son,
I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and Scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were Growing up. You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and Lost your eye. As a father, I couldn't stand watching you Having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my Place, with that eye.
With all my love to you, Your father.

Ambition & Performance ---- Frustration & Success



When ambition exceeds performance the Gap is called as Frustration.
And When the performance exceeds ambition the overlap is called as Success

The Seven Cs of Success



Clarity:
 Eighty percent of success comes from being clear on who you are, what you believe in and what you want. 

Competence:
 You can't climb to the next rung on the ladder until you are excellent at what you do now. 

Constraints:
 Eighty percent of all obstacles to success come from within. Find out what is constraining in you or your company and deal with it. 

Concentration:
 The ability to focus on one thing single-mindedly and see it through until it's done takes more character than anything else. 

Creativity:
 Flood your life with ideas from many sources. Creativity needs to be exercised like a muscle; if you don't use it you'll lose it. 

Courage:
 Most in demand and least in supply, courage is the willingness to do the things you know are right. 

Continuous learning:
 Read, at the very least, one book a week on business to keep you miles ahead of the competition. And just as you eat and bathe, organize your time so you spend 30 minutes a day exploring email, sending messages, going through websites, because like exercise, it's the only way you can keep on top of technology. If you get away from it, you'll lose your edge.
by Brian Tracy  

 

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

 

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Story: The Teacher, The Students and The Potatoes

A kindergarten teacher decided to let her class play a game.  
The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes.  
Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates.  
So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.  
So when the day came, each child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.
Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended....
The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?". The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go. [short story]
Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go.
If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???"


M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

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Time is Powerful - A Powerful Lesson


When Snake is alive, Snake eats Ants.
When Snake is dead, Ants eat Snake."
So,
Time can turn at any time, Don't devalue anyone in life.
YOU may be powerful But time is more powerful than you.
"One tree makes one hunDreD ThousanD match sticks,
buT
One match stick can burn one hunDreD Trees".

MORAL-1: OnE neGaTive ThoughT can Burn aLL PosiTive ThoughTs
MORAL-2: Be nice to everyone, time can change things anytime

Story: Counting the countless

A Man Reached 70 Years Of Age
And He Faced A Disease ;
He Could Not Urinate.
The Doctors informed Him
That He Was in Need Of An Operation
To Cure This Disease.
He Agreed To Have The Operation
Done As The Problem Was Giving Him
Much Pain For Days.
When The Operation Was Completed,
His Doctor Gave Him The Bill
Which Covered All The Costs.
The Old Man Looked At The Bill
And Started To Cry.
Upon Seeing This The Doctor Told Him
That if The Cost Was Too High
Then They Could Make Some Other Arrangements.
The Old Man Said
 I Am Not Crying Because Of The Money
But I Am Crying
Because The Lord Let Me Urinate
For 70 Years And He Never Sent Me A Bill

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

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Determination and Patience


Determination is the strength that will enable you to pass the barrier of useless thoughts in order to create positive thoughts and to be successful in whatever you wish. It comes from within and its partner is patience. Patience teaches you not to push but rather to wait and appreciate the game of life instead, knowing that nothing remains the same, and everything will change at some point.

 

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

 

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Do Not Panic Unnecessarily:

 
People panic about practically everything—missed deadlines, orders not received, comments by others, fear of mistakes, negative trends. You name it and someone has panicked about it. Yet I've never seen even a single instance where the panic actually helped to solve the problem. Instead, panic is neutral at best and greatly interferes at worst. Panic tends to bring out the worst in everyone. It makes others (and you) feel tense and fearful. It increases the likelihood of mistakes, missed opportunities and miscommunications.
 
Nothing interferes with the creation of success and abundance like panic. When you make the commitment to stop panicking, you'll notice some incredible things happening. First, you'll notice that a vast majority of what you are most worried about will never happen, or it won't be as bad as you first thought. It was Benjamin Franklin who said, "Some terrible things happened in my lifetime – a few of which actually happened."
 
By avoiding the panic, you won't waste time, anxiety, and energy trying to solve what probably doesn't need solving. Second, when you learn to keep your bearings, your wisdom will come forth. In the absence of worry, answers will emerge. Instead of a head full of concerns, you'll create a head full of solutions. Finally, when you stay calm, you really do bring out the best in others. Many people react to the feelings of others. If you can maintain your bearings, chances are the people you work with will too.
 
To bring forth your greatest potential, eliminate panic altogether from your thinking..

Artilce by K.N.RAJAN

 

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

 

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Trapped in Lift? Follow this

One day, while in a lift, it suddenly broke down and it was falling from level 13 at a fast speed. Fortunately, I remembered watching a TV program that taught you must quickly press all the buttons for all the levels.  Finally, the lift stopped at the 5th level.



First - Quickly press all the different levels of buttons in the lift.
When the emergency electricity supply is being activated, it will stop the lift from falling further.

Second - Hold on tight to the handle (if there is any).. It is to support your position and prevent you from falling or getting hurt when you loose your balance.

Third - Lean your back and head against the wall forming a straight line.
Leaning against the wall is to use it as a support for your back/spine as protection.

Fourth - Bend your knees  Ligament is a flexible, connective tissue. Thus, the impact of fractured bones will be minimized during fall.

Spread it !!!

 

 

Be Willing To Apologize


Whenever you are in some service – or when you are taking risks, making things happen, interacting with others, or in the public eye – you are bound to make mistakes. At times you are going to use bad judgment, say something wrong, offend someone, criticize unnecessarily, be too demanding, or act selfishly. The question isn't whether you will make these mistakes – we all do. The question is, can you admit to them? If so, the question becomes, can you apologize?

   

Many people never apologize. They are either too self-conscious, self-righteous, stubborn, or arrogant to do so. The unwillingness to apologize is not just sad; it is a serious mistake as well. Almost everyone expects others to make mistakes and with a humble and sincere apology, almost everyone is willing to forgive. However, if you are a person who is either unable or unwilling to apologize, you will be branded a difficult person to work with. And over time, people will avoid you, speak behind your back, and do nothing to help you.

   

The ability to apologize, to admit mistakes, is a beautiful human quality that brings people closer together and helps us succeed. By simply acknowledging our humanness and saying "I am sorry" when appropriate, we bond with others and increase their trust in us. Obviously, you must never apologize as a tool of manipulation, to try to get a response like this or to get something out of it.

 

When you apologize from your heart, you keep most of your existing doors open. Occasionally, you may even open doors that had previously been closed.


Time Does Not Stop And So Is The Life






During the office coffee break a couple of days back I was looking the highway from the 34th Floor of my office and noticed hundreds of cars passing at a high speed every minute. I pondered that each of these passengers is in different mood right now. Someone belonging to Country-A might be sad because of some tragic incident, someone from country-B is stressed due to his/her financial issues, someone might be happy because his/her mother/spouse is coming to him/her and so on. However, for most of these people the current state will not be the same by tomorrow. The person who is in crisis today may become happy by tomorrow. The one who is happy today might be more delightful and the one who is stuck in a situation today might get out of it by tomorrow. That means, overall, millions of stories are taking birth on earth each day and millions of stories are dying. Article written by Junaid.Tahir
From my 3-5 minutes thought process I learnt a very nice lesson that no matter how bad is the situation, the time will pass. So next time I am in stress, I would visualize the highway and think that I am not alone in this situation. I would think that if millions of people are passing through such stages and recovering why should I take stress on my heart. Just like all those drivers, I must keep driving in the right lane and I shall reach my destination. The definition of right lane might be different for different kind of scenarios but the basic concept is same that when you have issues, you must meet the issues with courage, greet them with wow approach, treat them with wisdom and defeat them with strategy. You may want to read my articles on how to face tragic moments by clicking here and here  Further studies on Effective Decision Making,  Depression management might help you recover from your stressful circumstances.

0043-mjunaidtahir-paradigmwisdom-24May12- Time Does Not Stop And So Is The Life

Story: The Wise Farmer of China

Many years ago, in a poor Chinese village, there lived a farmer and his son.
His only material possession, apart from the land and a small hut, was a horse he had inherited from his father.
One day, the horse ran away, leaving the man with no animal with which to work the land.
His neighbours, who respected him for his honesty and diligence, went to his house to say how much they regretted his loss. He thanked them for their visit, but asked:
"How do you know that what happened was a misfortune in my life?"Someone muttered to a friend: "He obviously doesn't want to face facts, but let him think what he likes, after all, it's better than being sad about it."
And the neighbours went away again, pretending to agree with what he had said.
A week later, the horse returned to its stable, but it was not alone; it brought with it a beautiful mare for company.
The inhabitants of the village were thrilled when they heard the news, for only then did they understand the reply the man had given them, and they went back to the farmer's house to congratulate him on his good fortune.
"Instead of one horse, you've got two. Congratulations!" they said.
"Many thanks for your visit and for your solidarity," replied the farmer. "But how do you know that what happened was a blessing in my life?"
The neighbours were rather put out and decided that the man must be going mad, and, as they left, they said: "Doesn't the man realise that the horse is a gift from God?"
A month later, the farmer's son decided to break the mare in. However, the animal bucked wildly and threw the boy off; the boy fell awkwardly and broke his leg.
The neighbours returned to the farmer's house, bringing presents for the injured boy. The mayor of the village solemnly presented his condolences to the father, saying how sad they all were about what had occurred.
The man thanked them for their visit and for their kindness, but he asked:
"How do you know that what happened was a misfortune in my life?"
These words left everyone dumbstruck, because they were all quite sure that the son's accident was a real tragedy. As they left the farmer's house, they said to each other: "Now he really has gone mad; his only son could be left permanently crippled, and he's not sure whether the accident was a misfortune or not!"
A few months went by, and Japan declared war on China. The emperor's emissaries scoured the country for healthy young men to be sent to the front.
When they reached the village, they recruited all the young men, except the farmer's son, whose leg had not yet mended.
None of the young men came back alive. The son recovered, and the two horses produced foals that were all sold for a good price.
The farmer went to visit his neighbours to console and to help them, since they had always shown him such solidarity.
Whenever any of them complained, the farmer would say: "How do you know that what happened was a misfortune?"
If someone was overjoyed about something, he would ask: "How do you know that what happened was a blessing?"
And the people of the village came to understand that life has other meanings that go beyond mere appearance.